money is the root of most stress.  the last couple of weeks have drained me financially and emotionally. a series of circumstances has produced bitterness and frustration, largely directed at my university. two to three months ago, i was supposed to be awarded with  grant, which would have mitigated my financial troubles. but with clumsy structure of the administration department, my fund never arrived. i spent much of yesterday morning talking to whoever would listen about my delayed grant, resulting in the same answers just as when i began – none. after going back to the person who applied for the grant, i was told that he would work on it, but he is burdened by more pressing issues.  my frustration is leading to hopelessness and bitterness.

to exacerbate things, plans that i tried to put in place to buoy myself have been futile. my efforts to find a job that allows me to collect hours while paying modestly has been moot. after calling every connect that i had and their insistence that they were in need of an employee, no one ever followed-up. playing phone and email tag with people who claim to be swamped because they do not have enough workers is dejecting. i understand that you may be busy, but how can ignore someone trying to eagerly join your organization. is it because i am a graduate student and you believe that i will wait forever for you since my options are minimal? so i am not without appropriated money, people are stalling in hiring me.  one more point of contention: these “connects” are fellow alumni of the university. i’m approaching a point where i want nothing to do with anyone from this school.