06.25.09
tired.
i am so tired – no exhausted. school is not in session, and i am still only getting a few hours of sleep. many of nights extend to 3 or 4 in the morning typing up reports or working on my thesis. just so i can get up early the next morning to resume my work. i usually end up like the picture. dozing off at my computer has now become a signal that bedtime has arrived. attempts to catch-up are futile since it puts me behind on work. i’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.
i wonder when i will have one week where i can do absolutely nothing. i miss my carefree summers. i chose this position because of the experience, but a respite would not hurt.
06.13.09
your arms are too short to box with.
how come some people with PhDs cannot admit they’re out of their depth in some areas? what is so difficult about recognizing one’s weaknesses?
this entire thesis process has been one of the worst academic experiences of my life. i feel like a ping pong ball bouncing back and forth between someone skilled in one area dispensing emprical information on and someone else who is an a dillettante in the same realm. i’m drained, tired, and upset. all i want is to defend my thesis and walk away with my master’s. instead, it just hangs above my head like a black cloud. people who are out of their depth should not try to swim. they need to signal the lifeguard and head back to more shallow waters. i’m through with being confused and being set-up to like the idiot. i’m through with this lingering assignment. i’m through with being treated as a child. i can no longer protect someone who is impeding my matriculation. it’s not fair to me and it is not fair to other students.
06.02.09
near capacity.
summers go by quickly and i am already overwhelmed. my list of things to do has already began to pile up. i’m trying to stay focused and diligent, but i really just want to sleep. hopefully, i develop a routine that’s practical and effective.
